"Harry, keep the change."

It's been years since I created this blog. Red is older, Popcorn is a juggernaut, and we have 1 new one, Spark, and one on the way. We're finally graduated and looking for a job. We are also looking at a sudden move. And we just found out that our beautiful Red does not just have the ADHD we suspected of her. I think this blog will be a somewhat anonymous way to write my fears and struggles as we head into a life that is different than what I had planned. I plan to be horribly self-indulgent in this one thing to hopefully keep all this from spilling out in 'real life'. You've been warned.

It was a blustery day today, the wind even blew down my hanging tomato plant. Somehow this all seemed appropriate to my increasingly worsening mood. My body hurt from my bad back and my fibromyalgia and I had jam fixings going bad. My husband also left the cooking for dinner to me after offering to take care of it and let the kids watch cartoons for the umpteenth time. And on top of it all, the reality of the trip to the neuro-whatchamacallit doctor was sinking in.

Now, it isn't a terribly horrible diagnosis. I know that there are so many other things that could be wrong with a child. We're lucky. However, not expecting it, a diagnosis of General Executive Dysfunction still created a range of emotions, for me at least. Surprise at first. But what the doctor was describing were all symptoms we had noticed and commented on between ourselves. This just put a label on what already existed. Then confusion set in. How on earth do you take EF and practically deal with that in homeschooling? Or parenting, for that matter? Do I really want her involved in psycho-social rehabilitation? Isn't that just for trouble kids?
Today the confusion deepened into grief and shock. Today none of the logical statements give any comfort. I can tell myself that this is a little disability in the scheme of things. That she is still the child I've always known and loved. Ad nauseam.

But I guess I'm dealing with my ideas of my daughter and our/her future being turned upside down by the EF diagnosis. This is no longer just ADHD. If it was just that, I could handle it. My husband and I both have ADHD ourselves. But EF is completely outside of my experience. It requires IEPs if she goes into public school, we have to go for more testing, and it's just a big, fat unknown.

I am struggling to not see my daughter differently. I don't want to. But knowing the difference does make a difference. And I need to work this out so I can be the mother she, and Popcorn & Spark, need.

Right now,
I'm grieving.
And I'm not even sure for what.



"A smile seemed to come her slowly...it was a sad smile, just the same..."

Serves me right for trying to start a blog...

So, I planned to start a blog.

Then a dark cloud of doom descended upon our home, conjured up, perhaps, by my foolish plans. My little boy (henceforth Popcorn) got sick quickly over a weekend, culminating in an emergency room visit Sunday night. He had croup with a touch of pneumonia. Our girl (henceforth Red) threw up on our bed the night before. So, I spent Mother's Day living the dream: cuddling sickies and cleaning up throwup and boogers. ;)

But, we're all better now (well, except for my back, but that's another story). We're back to being superheroes, doing letters ("Can we please do homeschool, mom? Please! Please!" seriously.) and trying to survive a semester with both parents in school. Fear not! We shall prevail!

More tomorrow or the day after. It's late. I should sleep.

The Perfect Day to Start a Blog

Today is a day when you fear that the fierce winds of Idaho will sweep your daughter right into the big blue sky.
Not your son, even at only 13 months he is a brute with a chunky frame that promises he will never be swept away by the wind; or much else. He's very sturdy.

Unlike my impudent snip of a redhead that is constantly beset by her strong emotions. Some days she's so wound up that she just internally explodes and I'm left picking up the pieces. She exemplifies all the stories about redheads you'll ever hear. But she has a wonderful heart and beautiful hazel eyes. And when she hugs you, it's worth all the frustration she puts me through.

I don't have much frustration from my blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel-boy. He's at that wonderful age when he is learning everything. FAST. So many new words, continuing to practice walking, learning to open doors, figuring out that he's tall enough to pull books off my desk... Good times. good times.




Welcome, these are my kids, my two crazy crayon-chewing, piggy-tailed, jelly-smeared kids. And this is my blog (Restrained Chaos, if you didn't notice the big title-y thing up top).

I am wife, student, mother of two & a hopeful homeschooler. I can't make any grand promises that this blog will be awe-inspiring, life-altering, or just darn cool. I can, however, pretty much gaurantee that it will be random, eclectic, and frequently weird. I hope to occasionally post about homeschooling, my fascination with Latin, Rome & history, and perhaps a book review or two. Heck, I might even have some deep thoughts now and again! But the bulk of my posts will center around my family and how much I love them and our life together.

Oh, and don't get too attached to this theme. It's only up until I can wrangle graphic designer (i.e. my husband) into designing me one of my own. I like wrangling him...ehem! Never mind!

So, Salvete Omnes! And I hope you come back once in a while to see how we're doing and if we'll survive the wilds of Idaho... ;)